Single Parents
Single parents are raising approximately half of the children in America. Although women are by far the majority, men are also taking on the role of both mother and father. Single parents come from varying life experiences. Single parents are made when a marriage ends, or a partnership goes awry. Some people become the sole parent by choice. In many cases, single parents may not have reached adulthood, and are children raising children. Whatever the reason, and regardless of who becomes the custodial parent, raising children alone has unique challenges, making the job of helping children become responsible, productive, and loving members of society substantially more difficult than in a two-parent household. Single parents are required to make all the life-altering decisions, solely responsible for the finances, and frequently plunged into the duel role of mother-father.
Speaking from personal experience, single parenting is not the preferred way to raise children. Usually the custodial parent is responsible for all major decisions. From what to fix for supper to deciding where to live, single parents often feel overwhelmed. In optimal situations, the other parent is still involved, and the single parent has extended family and friends. However, single parents have the added pressure of being both mother and father. When a child suffers a major illness, or other serious situations arise, the decisions usually rest on the shoulders of one, instead of both parents.
In addition, single parents also have the guilt and frustration of being responsible for all the family finances. In many cases, single parents are trying to shuffle a full time job and being around for the children. An almost impossible task, many boys and girls become latch key kids. Dad, or Mum, works until suppertime, so children come home to an empty house, and often have the added responsibility of helping prepare the evening meal. Loving single parents do not choose to have the kids be home alone, but financial concerns leave no alternative.
Although the prospects are improving for many single parents, the lack of adequate child support has left many families living below the poverty level. Mum, or Dad, must work one or two jobs simply to pay the rent and put food on the table. The children and parent learn to do without, to keep a roof over their heads. To compensate for the missing parent, many single parents make the mistake of overextending the budget, to provide unaffordable items and activities. Perpetuating a cycle of sinking finances is common because single parents have the guilt of being both mother and father most, if not all, of the year.
Filling the shoes of both parents is not possible. However, most single parents feel obligated to do the best they can to be both mother and father. Mums learn to play cars, and Dad's become skilled at braids and ponytails. Nevertheless, despite best efforts to the contrary, single parents often are faced with perplexing situations, especially as children get older. How does Dad help a daughter understand the physical changes associated with puberty? Likewise, teaching boys to shave can be a challenge. Also, who meet the boyfriend at the door, when a young lady starts to date?
Speaking of dating, as single parents are struggling to fill the responsibilities of two parents, what about a personal social life. Should parents date, and find a new partner to share life's challenges, or remain solely dedicated to raising responsible, healthy adults. Actually, the answer is a personal choice no one can make for the single parent. Melding a new family, with stepparents and stepchildren also has unique challenges. Thus, many single parents choose to continue parenting alone, to give already traumatized children peace. Others opt to give children the mother or father he/she never had in the first place. The best rule of thumb: the interests of the children should always come first. After all, children did not ask to be born or have the choice of being raised in a single parent home.
In summary, being a single parent, at any age, has unique challenges. Parents are often daunted by the magnitude of responsibility of making all-important decisions alone. Also, single parents are usually facing financial struggles. In order to adequately provide for children, Mum or Dad must work one or two jobs, come home to household chores, and find the energy to give kids the attention and love they need to thrive and grow up to become happy, healthy adults. Filling the position of both mother and father is impossible. But, single parents are obligated to learn the roles of the other parents, whenever possible. In optimal situations, the single parent has a good support system of friends and family, and the other parent is still involved in the lives of the children. In any case, the job of single parenting will be hard, but well worth the effort. Children will grow up knowing Mum or Dad had enough love to sacrifice and struggle, in order to ensure they had the opportunity to become happy and healthy adults.
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